


Every Version Of You

by Antigone69



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 03:31:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1590086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antigone69/pseuds/Antigone69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve gets hit with something that makes him look like he did before the Serum.  He's worried about what Phil will think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Version Of You

“You have to tell him eventually, Cap,” Tony said as they sat on the Quinjet flying back from a mission in San Diego.

“Can you stop calling me that?  I know, okay.  I know.”

“He’s going to figure it out as soon as he see’s him anyway, Tony, what is there to tell?” Clint yelled from across the quinjet, still snickering. 

“Shut up, Clint.  It’s not funny,” Natasha said, punching him lightly on the shoulder.  Steve shot her a grateful look.

 

They had been fighting a—a _something_ with magical powers.  Thor didn’t even recognize what it was.  It looked vaguely humanoid.  They had brought it down after it killed half of a neighborhood in southern San Diego.  It’s corpse was on ice in the cargo hold as they spoke, and Bruce, Thor and Tony were going to work together with SHIELD and SI R&D to figure out what or who it was.    
Before they had killed it, though, it had shot Steve in the chest with a green ray of light.  The Hulk immediately pounded it into the ground as Thor and Iron Man had rushed to make sure he was okay.  And he was—technically.  He was just.  Smaller.  And weaker.  And shorter.  And.  Less serum-y.  

 

“We’ll get you to the infirmary to make sure everything is working properly—see if you’ve just gotten smaller or if you’ve completely reverted to how you were before the serum.  If that’s the case, we’ll probably need to get you an inhaler for the Asthma, at the very least,”  Bruce said.  He had been fussing over Steve since he woke up, even though Steve insisted he was fine and that Bruce needed rest more than Steve did. 

 

After the SHIELD doctors had cleared him and he had been de-briefed (thankfully Phil wasn’t assigned to this mission), Steve went back to his room at Stark Tower.  He hadn't been there in a while.  He usually stayed over at Phil’s place in Tribeca.  It had been at least a week since he had been back home.  But under the circumstances—he couldn't even pretend he was trying to make things easier for anybody but himself.  He was avoiding Phil because he was scared. 

 

He was scared that Phil wouldn’t want him anymore. 

 

Steve wasn’t stupid.  As much as the media made him out to be a big-hearted, patriotic meat head, he was very aware of the way the world worked.  

 

Phil loved Captain America.  He had since he was a child.  And when he finally got the chance to be with him, he took it.  

 

Phil wasn’t a bad guy.  He wasn’t using Steve.  He liked him, too.  He probably even _like_ liked him.  But it was Cap that Phil was in love with.  The hero.  Now that Steve was like this, what was keeping Phil there? 

 

Nothing.

 

So Steve resolved to avoid Phil for as long as he could, and once he couldn't avoid him anymore, he was going to avoid The Talk for as long as possible.

 

Apparently “as long as possible” wasn't that long.  Steve hadn’t been back in his room an hour before a knock came at his door.  

“Steve?  You in there?”  Phil’s voice came from through the door.

 

“Yeah,” Steve said, clearing his throat.

 

“Stark said you got hit with something.  Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine, Phil,” he said curtly.

 

Phil didn't say anything for a moment, and Steve thought maybe he had left.

 

“Is there a reason you aren’t letting me in?” Phil asked slowly.  

 

“Oh.  Sorry,” Steve said, standing up, squaring his shoulders (he was not trying to make himself look taller, he was _not)_ and opening the door.

 

Phil was not a tall man.  He wasn’t even six feet tall—usually, Steve towered over him.  It was one of the things he loved about being with Phil—feeling like he could protect him if he needed to, being able to wrap himself around him and hold him as close as possible.  But now Phil stood in the door of Steve’s apartment, looking down at him, with a shocked and confused expression on his face.

 

“Wow,” was all he could say.  Steve just nodded and stood back and let him come in, even though he would much rather have kept this painful conversation out of his room—when he had to move back here full time, he would rather not have memories of the love of his life telling him he didn't want him anymore haunting him as he tried to go about his day. 

 

Steve followed behind Phil, who sat on Steve’s bed and turned to look at him.  He took Steve’s hand and caressed it slowly with his thumb.

 

“I’m a little surprised.  Stark didn’t tell me exactly what hit you.”

 

“Well, we don’t exactly know.  Tony, Bruce and Thor are trying to figure it out, but all we really know is that it’s not from earth,” Steve said, unable to meet Phil’s eyes.  

 

“Are you all right? I mean—have you gone to medical?”

 

“Yes, of course I’ve gone to medical, Phil,” Steve snapped.

 

Phil looked a little taken aback.

 

“Sorry.  Sorry, God.  Hard day,” Steve said, taking his hand from Phil and burying his face in it.

 

“No, no, don’t worry about it.  I understand,” Phil said, placing a hand on Steve’s small back and running it over his shoulders.

 

“It seems like I’m just smaller.  I dont have asthma or anything, like I did before the serum.  I’m just not as tall or strong.”

 

“That’s good.  Medical science has advanced significantly since the 30’s, but I’m not sure even now we could cure you of everything you were dealing with back then,” Phil said, trying to elicit a smile from Steve.  It didn’t work.

 

“Yes, well.  Now that you’ve seen that I’m okay, you can leave now.”

 

Phil’s hand on his back stopped moving.  Steve finally brought himself to meet his eye, and he saw hurt and confusion there. 

 

“Leave?” Phil asked hesitantly.

 

“You’re going to do it eventually, Phil, so it might as well be now,” Steve said, shrugging Phil’s hand off his shoulder and standing up. 

 

“And why exactly am I going to leave?” Phil asked, his voice firmer and more tense now.

 

“Why would you stay?” Steve asked, his voice getting louder, too.  He knew he was being irrational, he knew he wasn’t acting like himself, but he couldn't help it.  Phil was going to _leave him_ and it was breaking his god damn heart.  

 

“Because my boyfriend is upset, possibly sick, and he needs me!”

 

“I’m not your boyfriend, Phil!”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Phil yelled, standing up so that he was once again towering over Steve.

 

“Just what it sounds like.  I’m not your boyfriend.”

 

“Well then who the hell have I been sleeping with for a year and a half?”

 

“Captain America,” Steve said, his voice finally breaking.  

 

Phil was about to shout something back, but he stopped.  

 

“You—that’s what you’ve been thinking?  Oh, Steve,” he said, all the anger in his voice gone, and nothing but love in it’s place.  He stepped forward and enveloped Steve in his arms, tucking his head under his chin.  Steve could tell why Phil liked being the smaller one so much.

 

“Steve.  I love you.  I love _you.”_

 

_“_ You love Cap,” Steve insisted, but still clung to Phil’s shirt and tried to commit his scent to memory.

 

“Steve, I’ve been in a relationship with you for eighteen months.  You think I did all that because of some sort of hero worship?”

 

“I—I mean, I know you like me.  I know you wouldn't be with me at all if you found Steve Rogers boring or annoying or—repellent.  But pretty much for the moment we met, I knew you had a thing for Captain America.”

 

Phil pulled back and put his hand to Steve’s cheek.

 

“Steve—my thing for Captain America and my thing for you are completely different.  My thing for Captain America is like your thing for Greta Garbo.  My thing for you is like—well, I hope it’s like your thing for me.”

 

“But—but even if that’s true—“

  
“It is.”

 

“—Even if that’s true, how can you want—this body isn’t exactly a super soldier body.”

 

 

“Steven Grant Rogers.  Listen to me.  Captain America is very important to me.  He taught me that helping people who need it is more important than personal gain.  He is the reason I joined the rangers.  He has saved countless lives, and is undoubtedly a hero.  But he is not the man I’m in love with. 

“The man I’m in love with is kind in smaller ways.  He gives money to every homeless person he passes.  He sends anonymous care packages to soldiers without families.  He helps old ladies carry their groceries up to their apartments and then keeps them company because they seem lonely.  The man I’m in love with loves Glenn Miller, Duke Ellington, and Ke$ha.  He eats dump trucks full of food every day.  The man I’m in love with feels so conflicted about the Dodgers and the Yankees that he just watches every game of both teams, and celebrates and boo’s in equal measure, no matter who wins.  

“Those are characteristics unique to Steve Rogers.  And Steve Rogers is the man I love.”

 

Steve was silent for a moment.  


“But you always—when we—when we’re together, you always talk about how you love that I’m so much bigger than you.”

 

“Steve.  I don’t love you because you were bigger than me.  I love that you were bigger than me because I love you.  And now I love that you’re smaller than me.  Your body—while supremely attractive to me—is not the be all and end all of my attraction to you.”

 

“So even if we never figure out a way to get me back—“

 

“Even if you stay scrawny and small, I will love you. Or if they think they found a way to get you back, but you end up seven foot six.  Or if you keep eating as much as you did when you had a super metabolism and you get really fat.  I will love you—and be attracted to you—no matter what happens to you.”

 

Steve pulled back and smiled up at Phil.

 

“I love how eloquent you are today.”

“Well, my dumb boyfriend seemed to think I was dating Captain America, so I had to set the record straight.”

 

“Hmm.  I think your dumb boyfriend might need more convincing.  In the way of kisses.  And blow jobs.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
